The Sneaky Way Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship (And What To Do About It)

Scrolling is fun. I can’t lie, I love squeezing in a good end-of-day scroll sesh.

Instant access to the comedy attempts of strangers? Dream come true. Unlimited information in the palm of your hand? Amazing - even if most of it is junk.

But, as we're all kind of starting to realise: social media is a bit of a double-edged sword.

It's great to stay connected with the family, or peacock a little to recruiters on LinkedIn. And pulling up a Friends episode when the tube (inevitably) breaks down also comes in handy. Definitely beats staring dead-eyed into the swampy depths of people's armpits.

But when it comes to relationships, social media can be a nightmare. It's ironic that something built to connect people, can tear your relationship apart quicker than a Tinder swipe.

(Yes I do dabble in poetry, thank you for asking...)

The Impact Of Social Media On Relationships

The first thing we need to do, is to spot the effects social media can have on relationships. The risks involved. The ways in which the poison seeps through. "Know thy enemy.", right?

It's funny that the most common negative thing people say about social media is that "it sets unrealistic expectations". Now I'm not saying that isn't true, because it definitely does. And it can create all sorts of problems with jealousy, insecurity, and constant dissatisfaction.

But that's not the biggest problem. There's a much more subtle but important issue.

You might have heard the idea that we all have a slot machine in our pocket: the "refresh feed" function you have in most social apps is based off of the way slot machines work.

You never know what you're going to get - most of the time it's cr*p, but sometimes it's really good. So you keep refreshing "just in case". That's gambling. Which, as you might know, hijacks the dopamine circuits in your brain.

And guess what makes social interactions feel good?

That's right, dopamine. Oxytocin and dopamine are what our brains secrete to make social interactions feel rewarding and pleasurable.

But if we've been shooting up all that synthetic, social media dopamine. We won't feel as much satisfaction as we normally would from our relationship.

So that's very important right? We've reframed the problem. Because there's a few ways we can approach social media in a relationship to limit its negative effects.

But we also need to be aware that literally just the act of using it, is setting us up for problems.

Avoiding Ruin

1. Set Boundaries Around Social Media Use:

   • Agree on 'Phone-Free' Times: Choose times, like during meals or the first hour after coming home, where you both agree to put away your phones. That way you'll remember to spend some quality time together.

   • Bedroom Ban: Consider keeping your bedroom a phone-free zone. This one is great. Same goes for TVs. It'll encourage you both to focus on one another at the end of the day and preserve the bed room as a place of intimacy.

2. Be Open About Your Online Activities:

   • It’s important to be transparent about who you're interacting with online and what you're sharing. Doesn't mean you have to say everything you're doing. But you shouldn't be doing anything you wouldn't be willing to say out-loud. This openness prevents misunderstandings and builds trust.

3. Use Social Media to Enhance Your Relationship:

   • Interact with each other online too. You don't want the other person to feel you go out of your way to ignore them digitally. Instead, use it to enhance your connection. Send each other top notch meme banter or news/blog articles you think they'd enjoy.

   • Use social media as a source of inspiration for things to do. Once that sweet, sweet algorithm has got its fangs on your feed, you'll be receiving all sorts of fun couple stuff to do. Turn that algo against itself, it's a revolution baby!

4. Focus on Creating Memories Together:

   • Prioritise experiences over online interactions. Whether it’s a date night, a weekend getaway, or simply cooking a meal together, make real-world experiences count.

   • Capture moments without the pressure to share them. Not every special moment needs an audience. Cherish your privacy and the intimacy that comes with it.

5. Practice Gratitude and Appreciation:

   • Regularly express gratitude for each other, both publicly and privately. Celebrate your partner’s achievements and your relationship milestones, whether you choose to share them online or not.

   • Recognise the effort your partner puts into the relationship and acknowledge it. A little appreciation goes a long way in strengthening your bond.

Striking A Balance

Navigating a relationship and building intimacy in the modern world requires a mix of old-school romance and new-age knowledge. It's a fine balance that you'll have to find. But if you set boundaries, communicate openly, and focus on creating precious real-life memories, you'll keep your relationship healthy and strong.

Remember, the goal isn't to try and avoid social media completely. It's about using it consciously in your life, to enhance your connection rather than diminish it.

More love-y, less scroll-y.

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