If you've ever been in a relationship, you know that sailing those waters isn't always a case of "merrily rowing down the stream." When it's good, it's all cuddles and kisses and "I'm sorry, I didn't see the bins needed taking out.".
But sometimes the wind is howling. The waves are crashing. There's a guy clung to a log flying through the air. And you still haven't dealt with the kraken below.
Fortunately for us savvy sailors, there are secrets we can use to better weather the storm. A sort of guide for rocky waters if you will. I present to you:
"The Skipper's Super Secret Specification For Smoothly Sailing Stormy Situations". (A.K.A. just an excuse to flex some word muscles.)
More seriously though, the first and best thing you can do to navigate rocky waters, is to avoid getting stuck there in the first place. But we all end up there sooner or later. So how do we manage?
Compromise is often misunderstood.
It's all fun and games during the honey moon phase. But when you get to the part where your negotiations sound like a boardroom meeting, things can easily get hairy.
Compromise is a word that gets thrown around a lot, but it's actually quite a rare skill to find in people. The reason being that real compromise requires high emotional intelligence and the ability to step outside yourself. It isn't about keeping score or having a rigid insistence on everything being 'fair'. It's not just a case of acknowledging that your partner has desires.
Instead, you need to be able to treat your partner's desires, fears and preferences as if they were as important as your own. And that can be a challenge. You need to release control, continuously adjusting your expectations and desires.
Be careful about unintentionally faking this. This isn't a "fake-it-til-you-make-it" situation. If you're only acting like you consider your partner's needs (and you'll notice that many people do this), there's a part of you that's keeping tabs somewhere.
The goal is to be considering their desires just as much as yours while you are making decisions.
The first rule of communication: learn to shut up.
No, really. Whoever said: "You have two ears and a mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak." was a genius.
The most important aspect of communication is listening. Not listening to reply, but actively listening with the intention of understanding how the other person feels right now.
When you do choose to reply, make sure you show that you processed what they said, acknowledge their experience, and allow them to correct you on anything you didn't quite get.
If you do these two things, you will significantly level up your communication skills. But for the love of God, please do it sincerely. It's not meant to sound like C3PO talking to himself in a mirror.
Speak from the heart. Feel your words as you say them - you'll notice you can feel when you believe what you're saying, and when you don't.
To help you in your journey towards becoming a compromise master. You have two little helper minions, sitting on each one of your shoulders. Their names are "Needs" and "Wants".
Now those rascals can really come in handy, but you don't want to get confused on the "who's-who". Because they're sometimes very hard to tell apart. So let's define them:
Needs are essentials that sustain or enhance your well-being, such as emotional support, respect, and physical safety.
Wants might include desires like dining out frequently or choosing the next movie for date night. Prioritising needs over wants in discussions makes sure that core aspects of your relationship are always safeguarded.
Other effective strategies include:
The 'win-win situation', which is viewing successful compromise as a success for the relationship itself, rather than a win/lose from either one of you.
Using role-playing scenarios can really enhance the negotiation process. By temporarily adopting your partner’s viewpoint, you gain insight into their feelings and motivations. That can help you understand their reactions better and deepen your empathy.
Keep a positive negotiation stance. Approach compromise with the intention of solving the problem for the both of you. That positivity can turn potential conflicts into opportunities for relationship growth and enhancement.
Compromise is both an art and a science. Getting it right will enrich your relationship, and fulfil you both as individuals. It's not just about resolving disputes; it's about forging a pathway to enduring happiness and stability together.
It'll require some effort from the both of you of course, but each successful compromise reinforces mutual respect and love. It's only a matter of time before you look in the rear view mirror at the strong, resilient relationship you've built.
Written by
David From Marketing 🤷🏻♂️
I create content to serve Kupl’s mission of strengthening connection and intimacy in relationships. My main drive is to help bring more self-awareness to ourselves and our relationships, and hopefully, more kindness into our world.
I’m looking forward to sharing ideas with you. I hope they’ll help you as much as they continue to help me.
